Help Wanted – Operation Astroturf

Welcome Comrades!  We are here to launch our new August Mission – Operation Astroturf!  We have been observing and noting the outbursts of these militant radical rightwing political terrorists and we have decided the best way to handle the situation is a swift and unequivocal SMACKDOWN.  Plus, it looks really bad that our State Sponsored Officials are cowering in their offices while the UNAmerican Angry Mob terrorizes them.  We had to promise new jets before the State Sponsored Officials would appear at a few townhalls.

So, The Head Comrade in Charge has decided upon a new tactic.  We will overwhelm them with our numbers!  We will find and hire those Comrades that are willing to sell their integrity to push our Message and carry our creative pre-printed signs.  We will overwhelm these UNAmericans with the numbers of Comrades who will carry signs and fight back in return for payment.

We have placed innumerable ads for new Loyal Comrades that would like to receive State Benefits by participating in Operation Smackdown.  The Head Comrade in Charge has generously approved salary ranges of up to $16 dollars for new Comrade Leaders.  And who said that We have not created jobs??

Please review the new Government Sponsored positions and send your resumes today!

• Sign Carrying Comrades – no experience necessary!  In fact, we do not even require you to be able to read the sign that you will be carrying!  We launched this position in Colorado to support the Czar of Botax and it was a resounding success.  We will also provide translators so that you can speak to the State Run Media and share your very sad story of how you have illegally entered Amerika and have had to live on the generosity of the tax paying UNAmericans.  Remember Illegal Comrades – the State is supporting you!  and please remember to register with the DNC for election 2010.

• Purple Shirt Organizers – Purple is a Happy Comrade Color!  Since our Brother & Sister Comrades already have plenty of Purple Shirts, we will simply be paying for new Members to join their ranks!  No experience is necessary but you must have the ability to follow directions on the field of battle, throw a mean right hook, and have no problem ganging up on defenseless UNAmerican flag sellers.  Please submit your location to the State Department of Transportation and we will send a bus to your front door to pick you up!

• Warm Body Comrades – Again, we make getting a State Sponsored job easy!  This position simply requires that you enter all townhall meetings through the back door and sit in as many seats as possible so we can explain to the Angry Mob UNAmericans that there is no room for them in the public meeting.  Job Requirements are only that you wear street clothes and have no interest in asking ridiculous questions that will make the State Sponsored Elected Official uncomfortable.  Bring a friend or five and sign up today!

• Pre-Screen Coordinators – This position allows you to work hand in hand with the toadies of our State Sponsored Officials.  You will be given a checklist of 133 Loyalty Test Questions to ask prospective townhall attendees.  The questions are easy!  Examples:  Do you love our Head Comrade In Charge and give up all free thought to follow him in Truthium & Hopium?   Are you registered with Organize for America and can you prove it?  Are you willing to have the Head Comrade In Charge take over all aspects of your own life for your own good?  After the potential attendee has correctly answered the questions and partaken in the Refreshing Koolaid drink, you will issue them a ticket, a creative and lovely pre-printed sign, and one or two simple pre-printed questions for them to ask.  You must be able to ignore the shouts of the UNAmerican Angry Mob as you pass them by in issuing tickets.  We will provide 2-3 Devout Purple Shirts who look appropriately menacing per Coordinator to handle the doors at the town halls.

• Comrade Goon Squad – Due to the resistance shown by the UNAmerican Angry Mob, we require Comrades who are willing to perform security against the UNAmerican Angry Mob Masses.  You must look appropriately menacing and be willing to knock the heads of the militant radical rightwing extremists that are attempting to infiltrate our public meetings and deter the spreading of Truthium and Hopium.  You must be willing to push and shove the Seniors that are obviously suffering from Dementia and prevent them from being heard.  You will work in a tactical unit that travels together to slam the doors in the face of the UNAmerican Angry Mobs and attacks defenseless opponents of Our Message.  This position includes combat bonuses for each time that you physically foil the plans of the UNAmerican Angry Mob to be heard.

• Leaders of the not-so-intelligent Masses –  As we recruit and pay enormous numbers of Comrades to join our ranks, we need Leaders that are able to inspire and encourage those in other positions.  You must be able to give speeches about how the State is here to help them and that is proven by the fact that the Head Comrade in Charge just wants to take care of them!  He is just like Santa Claus and they will reap the benefits of having the State involved in every aspect of their lives.  This position allows for growth as we will need Smarter-than-not-smart-at-all Comrades to partake in election rigging and Census taking in 2010.  You must have prior experience of selling ice to Eskimos and have no moral fortitude.  We will provide our State Hero’s book to all new Leaders- Alinksy’s Rules for Radicals.  You will also get to meet Comrades in Charge like our Czar of Deathcare and Czar of Tomfoolery! Please apply at your local SEIU, ACORN, HCAN, OFA, and DNC Offices.  This is our highest paying position – $11-$16 per hour!

Wonderful Comrades!  Please rush to fill these positions so that we may further skew the Unemployment and Job Creation numbers!  As well, we offer simple transfer from the Welfare Rolls to the State Payroll!  Check craigslist for all new positions in an area near you!

WE APPRECIATE YOU!  And be assured that The Head Comrade In Charge is here to take care of YOU!

Thank You to our Comrade Unions from the Head Comrade in Charge

From the Desk of the Head Comrade In Charge:

Loyal Comrades, I bring greetings as you bow down before me in complete obeisance!

It is with great pleasure that I have been witnessing the actions of my Loyal Comrades as they combat the Angry Mob and stamp out misinformation on healthcare everywhere.  Soon, the Angry Mob will realize that resistance is futile.  We are the Borg … sorry, wrong Universe … We are the Government In Charge and have no responsibility to listen to the loud, shrill cries of the electorate that did not recognize my Uber-Awesomeness.

I commend the efforts of the Comrade Geek Squad as they prevented the distribution of information that does not comply with the State.

The message from, I, your Uber Awesome Head Comrade In Charge is this:

FOR AS HARD AS THEY HIT US, WE WILL PUNCH BACK TWICE AS HARD.

Let me be clear, I have ordered our Comrade Union Thug Squad out to meet the Angry Mob and quell the free speech that they believe is their right.  As the Government In Charge, the losers will be punished and the only rights allowed are the rights that Loyal Comrades are afforded.

How will you know our Comrades in Arms?  They will be wearing their State Logos proudly!

They have also been gifted with Uber-Awesome bags for their dedication and commitment to crushing opposing opinion and free speech by Angry Mob.

As well, Our Comrade Secret Police in Arms will be lurking in the background and looking for the appropriate moment to step in with billy clubs swinging!  Loyal Comrades who have accepted the State Information on Healthcare will be preserved and they will focus on the Angry Mob – from the elderly grandmother in Kansas to the young wife in Atlanta – from the Brooks Brother Executive to the truck driver in California – They will be CRUSHED!  My Comrade Secret Police in Arms will be known for the emblem that they proudly wear and their super cool rakish hats!

When you, the Loyal Comrades see these logos and uniforms, know that it is I, the Uber-Awesome Head Comrade In Charge that has sent them forth with their orders!

*Pause for wild cheering from Loyal Comrades*

Below – I have provided the evidence of our FISTS PUNCHING BACK AGAINST THE WILL OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ANGRY MOB!

Thank you for your loyalty, Comrades and for your commitment – Koolaid for everyone!

For those Comrades that behave in the most terrifying way, you will be invited to the next Beer Summit at the White House!

*More Wild Cheering*

Attack of the State is SUCCESS

Comrades!  We have successfully launched an attack at the well-dressed and Angry Mob and the Head Comrade In Charge is so giddy with delight that he had to take a calmative (government issued & high quality of course).  Allow me to share with my Comrades the multiple hits that we have landed to date:

• We have brought a Leader of the Angry Mob to his knees – American Liberty Alliance who fills Comrades to be’s heads with nonsense about Liberty and Freedom was hacked by our Comrade Geek Squad.  He dared to attempt to organize on that Capitalist Tool, Facebook as “The People’s Mob” – almost 2000 Rightwing Extremists flocked to join him just last night, possibly to organize shopping trips to prepare for future disruption of our State Meetings!

• We will not allow this Angry Mob to organize!  Our Comrade Geek Squad also has attacked the Capitalist Tools of Facebook and…Twitter in an effort to ferret out that #fishy group!  This plan has been tabled tho as the Head Comrade In Charge was a bit miffed that his Twitterberry was not working properly.  But fear not, Comrades – we will take them down in #tcot!

• Our Most Loyal State Organizations are entering the fracas against the Angry Mob – with many years of intimidation and thug tactics behind them, we feel sure that they will crush these loud, shrill and nefarious alleged Patriots.   Here is the notice that we have sent out: “The DNC has also recruited labor goons to police the town halls.
  The Huffington Post reported, via LG Links:
  The nation’s largest federation of labor organizations has promised to directly engage with boisterous conservative protesters at Democratic town halls during the August recess.

  In a memo sent out on Thursday, AFL-CIO President John Sweeney outlined the blueprint for how the union conglomerate would step up recess activities on health care reform and other topics pertinent to the labor community. The document makes clear that Obama allies view the town hall forums as ground zero of the health care debate. It also uses the specter of the infamous 2000 recount “Brooks Brothers” protest to rally its members to the administration’s side.
  “The principal battleground in the campaign will be town hall meetings and other gatherings with members of Congress in their home districts,” reads the memo. “We want your help to organize major union participation to counter the right-wing “Tea-Party Patriots” who will try to disrupt those meetings, as they’ve been trying to do to meetings for the last month. …
  (Remember the hooligans – many of them Republican Congressional staff – who harassed Florida vote counters in 2000? We can’t let that happen again!).”
  A showdown between unions and grassroots conservative organizations could make for an August full of fireworks, with even more dysfunctional town hall meetings. The AFL-CIO is planning to target 50 “high priority districts,” in addition to organizing telephone town hall gatherings.”

We will provide updates throughout the day…

Release of New State Propaganda

Comrades!  Today is indeed a wonderful day.

We have released the first shots across the bow of the Angry Mob.  We have removed offensive Angry Mob videos from youtube that depicted the extreme rightwing bus crowds screaming loudly and shrilly at Officials of the State.

We will continue to bombard them with Truthium and Hopium with the assistance of our loyal Media of the State outlets and Loyal Comrade Brad Woodhouse who explains the reality of the Angry Mobs!

“It’s become clear that Republican leaders, having lost every major legislative battle on Capitol Hill, the confidence of the American people and two consecutive national elections, would rather incite angry, special interest funded mobs and disrupt and drown out legitimate discussion of the issues instead of working for real solutions for the American people,” said DNC Communications Director Brad Woodhouse.

“This activity is reminiscent of the manufactured, Republican Congressional staff protests during the Florida election dispute in 2000 and the more recent displays of right wing extremism at McCain-Palin rallies in last year´s election. These acts of mob rule are a direct result of and are being encouraged by Republican leaders who have vowed to ´break´ the President for political gain and who have said that they hope that the President fails. This is the very type of anger and extremism that cost Republicans dearly in 2008 – and it is bound to back fire again.”

Marvel at the wonder of how we will reduce the Angry Mob to sniveling, scurrying, apple-pie-eating robots of our propaganda!

Our Czar of Botax has even forwarded us her personal report and assessment of the Angry Mob!

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2009/08/05/pelosi_town_hall_protesters_are_carrying_swastikas.html

The Head Comrade In Charge is GIDDY with Delight at the Campaign against the American People the Angry Mob that is a danger to moral and virtuous Comrades everywhere!